when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
