Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
