Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Someone stole a lamp last night.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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