So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
