tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
