I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
