The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
You dont lie about slip and slides
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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