Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I love you. Go after that dick
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
