I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I am available for nakedness
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
