yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
