Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
