Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize