I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
