I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Randomize
