So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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