I CAN MOONWALK!
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
