Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
