The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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