why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
