Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
