I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
