if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
