I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
