I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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