You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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