Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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