your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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