Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
