new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
