Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
and she was petting her beer can
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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