Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
