I wanna bring you to show and tell
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
