need another drink. this is the easiest way
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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