Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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