I hope mine doesn't look like that
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
