my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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