There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
