i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
