You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
