Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
