Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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