I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Randomize
