So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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