i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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