No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
