ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
