i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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