Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
