if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
