This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Randomize
