don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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