from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
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