haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
